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Project Goal
To showcase the stages of losing a loved one and the healing process through photographic conceptualization.
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Project Experience
I started out by making lists of different elements typically associated with grief, such as black- -and-white schematics, dissociation, lingering memorabilia, anger, pain, sadness, loneliness, etc.
My frame of reference came from the Kubler-Ross grief cycle, also known as the five stages of grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. With that cycle in mind, I tried to cater my brainstorming towards that process. After making a general list, I picked out the bullet points that most resonated with me and my struggle with grief after losing someone I cared about.
This photograph was the start of my exploration of grief and showcased what I interpreted as the first stage, which is denial. When I had personally gone through grief, I found myself constantly absorbed by everything but the problem staring me in the face. There was a level of dissociation, hence why I photoshopped the subject to look as if there was dissonance, almost like a cut-out in a scrapbook. I was there but wasn’t there, just like how the subject is there but has no grapple on anything but the screen in front of their face.
While photographing different subjects to push my point on grief and the different ways it manifests in people, I turned my photographic gallery into a sequential story. I stemmed the story directly from my own experience of losing a beloved friend and, from that point forward, catered every subject matter towards expressing this specific loss. I specifically chose to photograph the song “Best Friends” by Atwood because it shows that the photographic story is about a friend, but also because that specific song was the one song I couldn’t stop listening to once I lost them. I felt like it would be a great way to subtly input my connection to the photo while still having a general understanding for the public eye to see that it adds on to the first photo of my now sequential photography.
Nothing felt more ironic than photographing old photos, so I felt more than compelled to do so. This occurred while sifting through my memorabilia drawer for items that I felt could abstractly express the feeling of loss and cutting away from the past, and I happened to find an old photo of myself and the friend I’d lost. I specifically angled the picture to only slightly cut off his face to insinuate the shadow of my desk slowly engulfing him as time passed. I also wanted small bits of the photo to include my desk drawer to help give the feeling of reminiscing and digging up old memories, whether metaphorically or literally.
This specific photo was from a journal entry I wrote during the first month I’d lost my friend. It was raw, violent, and entirely pure emotion. It most perfectly aligned with the second stage of grief, anger, and so I included it in my sequences. I felt that most people could relate to this burst of emotion, regardless of whether they’d experienced grief or not, so I wanted to depict that relatability.
One of my biggest comforts while overcoming grief was the collectible figurine, “Sonny Angels.” The origin story of these baby figurines stems from the company wanting to provide mini companions for those who are lonely. So, for those who know this figurine and its origin, there’d be a level of understanding that it was not just “little” but also a “comfort.” For those who didn’t know what it was, I intended the photo to express a level of bargaining with oneself to let go of whatever has been plaguing them. The baby represents the little voice in your head telling you that things need to change, while the hand is you, understanding that change needs to happen. They shake hands in agreement to say, “Hey, this is where I start to move forward.”
While walking around certain areas my friend and I frequently visited, I noticed two friends walking through a tunnel together. It was dark outside, so the only illumination was from the tunnel itself, and it was a serene moment where I felt like I could see myself and that friend walking through that tunnel together again like in the past. While intensely personal, I thought the imagery of those two individuals walking through together represented a level of acceptance after leaving the darkness of depression into a new, shining light.
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Project Outcome
The final photo in my sequential series depicts a simple raindrop falling off the leaf of a tree in an area that was meaningful to me. The raindrop lingered on the leaf for a long time, long enough for me to photograph it, and right as I got the shot it finally fell into the ground below. I had an “aha!” moment that felt like this specific photo would be the best way to close out the prolonged, painful upheaval of memories stemming from grief and signify the final cleanse of depression that I, as the photographer, underwent while finishing up this photographic series.
It was interesting to reflect on my personal experience dealing with grief and the loss of someone I loved. I found it successful because most people could get an inkling of what it was about when displayed for gallery review. Everyone who came up to the showcase had their interpretations of what each photo depicted, but the result was that it was about grief, which is precisely what I wanted.